The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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