Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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