giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
