he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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