drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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