Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
