Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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