I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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