Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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