Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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