I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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