We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
