Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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