chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
are you so shy because you have an std?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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