i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
