Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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