Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Holy sore nipples Batman
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
