Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do herpes really smell.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
