The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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