it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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