ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
as a side note pls kill me
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