I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
