3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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