forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
