So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize