I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
