Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
