i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
