who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
