Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
