im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
