i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
