Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
