also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
