So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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