Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
