Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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