Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
