I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
