I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
