yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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