Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
