So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
