we're making bets on your personal life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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