shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
