i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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