Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Send help, water and tortillas.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
