Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm too high and old for this...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize