is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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