my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
