bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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