I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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