capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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