you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
