So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So apparently I’m into choking now
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