my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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