I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
