If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
