you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
