two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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