The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
