So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
