I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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