morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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