And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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