After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
