Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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