He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we're making bets on your personal life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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