don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
