I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
