Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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