Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
