He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
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