You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
