When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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