I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize