I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
