I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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