it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
