; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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