I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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