I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I didn't notice because vodka
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
