even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
