You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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