i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
