i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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