Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i was born a porn star she said
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
