I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
