He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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