I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
