I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
