dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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