I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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