Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
